Tag Archive for: beauty

Am I Pretty Enough?

My job was to sit quietly and let the potions do their magic, while makeup artist Jennifer Snowdon applied and explained the product line.

“Mature Makeup Redefined” is the tagline for Alchimie Forever—a skincare line used as basis for glowing makeup application. I modeled for them at The Brand Summit, presented by The Powder Group.

As Jennifer illustrated how high-definition film makeup—where you can see every pore, crease and crevice of the skin magnified—was the perfect cosmetic segue to aging with beauty. I suddenly realized, I was the there-said “aging beauty!”

There I sat with hair pulled back un-styled, wearing an un-stylish spandex tee shirt, no makeup stylizing my appearance, just plain ole me. The previous broadcast was a drag queen applying a mega-stylized makeup look! I paled in comparison!!

I suddenly felt naked on the screen.

Every time Jennifer’s hands left my face, her presence left the screen leaving me there alone. Without the permission to ask questions, share my knowledge of herbal nutrients mentioned, or just be witty, I felt powerless to fill the uncomfortable void I found myself in.

Am I pretty enough to be paid to model at a beauty summit?
Do I belong in this chair?

Belonging in this particular case meant being pretty. In other settings, it could mean being smart enough, skilled enough, loving enough, to belong. And, as we have all experienced, at one time or another, the absence of belonging ignites an upswell of shame.

A shame that dictates what you should-be.

As I sat with my nakedness reflected back at me, I saw a lonely innocence. Like a puppy at the pound begging to be chosen. So, I decided to choose the little-girl who needed me, rather than the big-girl who was judging me.

A curiosity about what each potion was doing to my skin began to override my “pretty enough” worries. I’d lean into the camera so I could see my skin subtly soften. Every pore, crease and crevice was waking up.

What I could-be began to override what I should-be.

My awake-ness felt more than skin deep. The shame my judgments had triggered were softening. I gave myself permission to be, see, and free myself, from myself. This freedom was different than broadcasting who I wished to be, as in a make-over. But rather, to be plain ole me.

What I began to notice was, plain ole me, when engaged, interested and playful, was more than pretty enough. She sparkled with a joie du vivre that was alluring, slightly mysterious, and a whole lot lovable.

My little double chin, quirky nose and character lines (such a better word than wrinkles) paled to the inner vibrancy that was allowed to surface. The camera doesn’t lie, beauty truly is more than skin deep.

Jennifer always says it, and broadcasts it, as her tagline: Make It Up True!

The transformation I made in that chair went from trying to look beautiful to being beauty. And in the doing, I redefined beauty to include me.

Significance of Sisterhood

When my only sister and sibling died this year, I mourned the comfort of sisterhood. This ending of sisterly familiarity, understanding and inclusion gave rise to a new kind of sisterhood. Feminine UNITY, VISION, and BEAUTY.

When death creates an opening, a blank canvas replaces it inviting new life. In the past month a cocoon of feminine energy has engaged me with that blank canvas.

Ten years since my last stage performance, I’m now invited to dance with a belly dance troop from my past. Our ensemble of four, danced to raise money for an aging belly dancer who has mentored the dance community and provided a dance studio devoted to UNIFYING belly dancers worldwide.

Together we danced for a cause that UNIFIED women through rhythm and grace. This sisterhood offered me a sense of belonging in the world.

When my sister died, her two sons tattooed a graphic from her favorite sewing machine on their left forearms, changing the word Singer to Mom. It included a golden heart with a bow tied inside. A VISION of gifting love. Like the crafted items she sewed.

A female Russian artist and I designed a unique tattoo that included that golden heart that’s now engraved on my left hand. A revised VISION that combined what was meaningful to me and artistic to her. This sisterhood offered me a sense of participation with the world.

Noticed for my eclectic style, I was approached by a local curator of Israeli designs to model her clothes. I was soon in her studio with another female model, female stylist, and female photographer. We each brought a unique BEAUTY to the collaboration.

Together we made a whole. Each of our BEAUTY magnified each other’s. This sisterhood instilled a sense of self offered by the world.

Sisterhoods build UNITY, VISION and BEAUTY, but are built from the familiarity, understanding, and inclusion my sister bestowed on me. A sisterhood, I’ve come to realize, is a microcosm of the bonds we can keep having throughout our lives.
If we let it be so?

Sisterhoods change “I” into “we” consciousness.

They are a needed bond in today’s world. They liberate your confidence for personal freedom. And, they develop your curiosity fostering social acceptance.

Sisterhoods offer the safety to dig deeper into personal experience, to gain control of yourself without needing to control another.

Sisterhood is:
• Familiarity with another human—a bond that nourishes your VISION of yourself and with the world.
• An understanding that you’re an integral part of a greater whole—a celebration that BEAUTY is unique, unquestionable, and given to everyone by the world.
• And, inclusion in the evolution of humankind—a love that UNITES you with others as an aligned and collaborative force of goodness in the world.

The relationship with my sister, before and mysteriously even more penetrating after her death, has reassured me that I not only belong in this world, I am significant.

Sisterhoods remind us who we are and celebrate what we contribute to the world. They are a treasured gift. A gift that can keep giving again and again as we actively create these life affirming bonds.

Own Your Beauty

Photographer: Charlie Chessler

Most people I know question their beauty and judge their body.

So they hide it with baggy clothes, beat it with fitness, or starve it with diets. But, even if you change your body’s appearance to what you deem preferable, the only thing that can change your relationship with it is trust.

Trusting that your body is an expression of beautiful.
Trusting that your beauty is an expression of love.

Trust goes beyond looking beautiful, to being beauty.

Your body is a bridge. It brings face-to-face what the mind deems important and where Spirit wants to take you.

I was recently asked to participate in a Body Positive photo expose’. It was explained that all the women involved would pose nude, and write an essay to accompany the photo about their relationship with their body and the project.

I accepted.

Women from different cultures, ages and sizes were asked to sit in the same position for the photo. Nineteen women had gone before me, so I was able to see the ensemble of photos chosen before taking my clothes off.

They were all so different. Beautiful in unique ways. They adorned themselves with tattoos, hair-styles, make-up, hats, jewellery and nothingness. I enjoyed the creativity and sensuality we all shared.

Most of all, the grace in our willingness to be wholly seen took my breath away.

I was about to join these women in a trust.

A trust that physical beauty is something we each have.
A trust that beauty has the wisdom of diversity.

And, what I learned was, beauty needs our permission to be experienced and shared.

Without giving beauty permission to exist, it stays trapped inside the body unable to shine. And our expectations and uncertainties overcast the body’s wisdom causing us to fear ourselves.

But when you trust you are beautiful, an inherent wisdom outshines your fear of being you.

Before this photo shoot I was terrified of a camera lens. Would it see me as ugly, afraid or lacking? I was afraid to really see me.

But something about the willingness to be seen wholly, mixed with the integrity of the shoot, I felt relaxed in my imperfections. I felt free!

Suddenly I was more curious than judgmental. The lens was a place I could learn about myself and everything I could-be.

Everything I thought I should-be, by comparison, seemed unimportant.

Is your relationship with your body based in judgments or love?

This photo shoot was an extension of my work. A place where mind body alignment dissolves the judgments that shadow love.

To be curious about what judgments cause you to not trust yourself, keep talking to your body’s pain and discomfort, adjust your stance, and breath a new alignment into being, until all that remains is a recognition of the beauty that is you.

Please comment with how you experience beauty or this story.